No One's Listening

Hey all!

Yesterday I updated my blog with a post about abuse against men. You can read it HERE. But today it's not about that, although it has a gist of what it's about. It's about being alone. Solitude is the worst punishment you can ever give a sane person. If you didn't know, it used to be a form of torture, and is still used as a disciplinary method for criminals. You know what it does? It makes you go crazy. Especially over a long period of time. Now what happens if that solitude is inside you, clawing at your insides, eating you up, drowning you in agony? Pretty scary, huh?

You know what it feels like? It feels hopeless, helpless, like no one cares. You don't feel like talking because you're scared you might blurt out your deepest, darkest secrets if you do. It's so hard to hitch a smile on your face and you don't feel like ever laughing any more, because the world just stopped being funny when the jokes were about you. You feel like even your best friends have turned on you, and you're completely, utterly alone. You feel like you don't know who you are any more, feel like you're merely existing, not living.

You go every day hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe someone might notice you and the hurt you carry inside. Hoping, but not anticipating. But the moment someone talks to you, you clam up and draw further into yourself because you don't know how to respond to the sudden, unexpected attention. You're scared to look at people in the eye because you think they might see your agony in your eyes, no matter how desperate you are for someone to care. You cry yourself to sleep every night and wake up groggy with your cheeks sticky from dried tears that soaked your pillow. You literally feel your heart breaking and bleeding from every single hurtful thing someone says to you, even though it was something so small that it would have rolled off others' backs unnoticed but for you it stabs and lodges itself into your already bleeding heart. You refuse to watch romantic drippy movies because you know you'll end up crying watching happy couples onscreen even though it's fake. You wake up the next day thinking you've dried up your crying wells and you feel relieved for a while, until the next crap hits you and gets your waterworks on again.

That feeling, the helplessness is what solitude feels like. You feel alone and the whole world is against you. It's not something you ask for, but it stays with you like a black shadow over all the brightness in life. The worst part is, I knew how horrible it feels like but when I saw my best friend suffering the same way, I shunned her aside. I covered up well, but she didn't, I think she couldn't. I noticed how alone she was, especially after we lost our other best friend. I hated seeing myself in her, so I distanced myself away from her. I regret and will always regret not reaching out to her when I could. I knew she was in pain, I saw her wiping away tears, but I didn't say anything because I was scared I'd spill everything to her. After I opened up to someone and felt better, I despised seeing her still so depressed because I was scared I'd be drawn into the void of blackness again. You know what could have happened if I'd fucked up and fell off the wagon? The photo is self-explanatory.

That feeling is what I would not wish on anybody no matter how much I hated that person. Even if you tell someone, they just don't fucking care! They think this stuff only happens in movies. They're scared of the idea that it's real, that people DO suffer like this. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. You know what? You're wrong. These people need help, and it could be as simple as an offer of a shoulder to lean on. The more you ignore it, the more it grows and manifests itself. Don't intrude. Just sit and talk to them. Even if they don't respond, they'll gradually warm up to you and feel better. You know what they'd feel like? They'd feel like finally, they're not alone anymore. They can stand tall and look at everyone in the eye and feel secure in the knowledge that yes, they're worth something, and that something counts in the world. 

So after you read this, go up to that 'emo' kid and talk to them. A simple 'hi' and an honest smile would brighten them up a little. Not much, but enough to get them through the day at least. Every drop in the bucket counts. 'Hi' and smile. That's it. Simple enough, so go do it. 

I've said my piece, so that's that. To all the people who think that you're utterly alone in the world, you're right. You are alone. But having someone to talk to turns every uphill battle into a mere trifle. It might be hard to finally open up to people, but trust me on this. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. 

To my dear angel, bestie Angle, thank you for listening to me. You made every day full of laughter and jokes and even though you didn't know it, you helped me come out of my darkness and learn to be happy again.

To my other bestie, Hani, I'm sorry you had to go through so much shit and I chose not to be there for you. I'm here for you now, and intend to keep it that way, as long as you want me to be. 

I love the both of you, and I don't know what I did to be so lucky to find you guys. The day we were arranged to sit together in Form 4 is one day I'll never forget. Even though we've lost one person, I know you guys will always be there for me and rest assured you can count on me. 

Bye Edibadie!

Lots of Love, Rox <3

Stop The Violence

Hey all!

I was skimming the newspaper today and an article caught my eye. It was about abuse.....towards men. Yup, that's what I said. You might be puzzled, I mean, men can be pretty violent at times, right? And aren't they supposed to be the stronger ones, always seeking to expand their ego by using we, the fairer, helpless sex as punching bags? The answer is no. Unless you're a woman who has been living with women all her life or stuck at the bottom of a lake alone, you'll probably agree that your guy friends are just big, gentle monsters, putting on a macho act.

Women can get away with hitting a man in public because, hey, men are stronger and the woman is weaker, and the man probably deserved what was coming to him, right? And men are so stupid, they don't know wrong from right. That is total BULLSHIT!

Who the fuck are you to think that because you're a woman, you can do anything you want to a man? You demand respect from them, but you don't give them the respect they deserve. True, women were treated cruelly in the past, and that's why we have so may laws and organisations to protect women from being harmed by men, but why does that make women think that they are superior to men?  A man in an abusive relationship has absolutely no where to turn. Tell his dudes, and they call him a faggot. Tell his family, and they ask him to suck it up and be a man. Tell the police, they blow him off because he's complaining about a woman. Where is he supposed to go?

There ARE groups set up for domestically abused men to seek help from, but how many men want to admit that they were battered by a woman? From birth, we are segregated by gender. In the nursery, boys get the blue blankets and girls get the pink. So when the boys grow up, wearing pink makes him 'gay'. Boys are supposed to give in to girls. So when the boys grow up, girls get their way and the boys have to 'let the lady win', because that's what 'being a man' is all about. Boys cannot look down on girls, because they can do anything a boy can do. So the girls look down on boys because they think the guys are too stupid to do better than them. Please, woman. You can have anything a guy does? You can have a dick? You can have a beard? Big muscles? No? Then stop thinking you're better than him!

Every human life is worth the same. That's what I believe, and that's what I tell my friends. No gender is ultimately better than the other. Both can be better than the other at different aspects, but at the end of the day, women need men to survive and vice versa. If we can just stop thinking that men and women are from different planets and start looking at each other as humans, the world would be a better place.

I'm not saying that women are any less abused and exploited. I'm sure a lot of attention has been given to that subject. Even the Malaysian Bar gives priority to a female victim compared to a male victim.

Domestic violence happens when a man or woman regularly hurts his/her spouse physically or verbally. i.e. beats or mentally tortures the other.
Domestic violence is rampant in all walks of (life) but is still not talked about openly. Statistics show that 1 out of every 6 women is battered by her husband or boyfriend. Even though domestic violence is a crime, most people don't think it is. They see it as a domestic or family affair. This makes it hard for battered women to look for help. 

-TAKEN FROM THE MALAYSIAN BAR WEBSITE

They start off by including both men and women but eventually give priority to the women. Do you know how many men are being abused? 15% of all abuse cases involve male victims, but the actual number is much higher. You know why? Because most of society doesn't give a fuck. Go on, try slapping a man in public. Most onlookers will go like, "He probably deserved it, stupid guy". Well, how do YOU know? Abused people suffer in silence, men AND women, and the only way to get out is to take the first step and help themselves. Women have been secure in the knowledge that since young, they are protected. By WAO and women's rights. If you went to school in Malaysia, at one point all the girls would have been grouped together and told how to protect themselves from abuse. The guys? They get a free period in class. Why is it that their knowledge on that subject is less important? They are told to respect and cherish girls, but girls are told that guys want to take advantage of them. What a fucked up system we have.

How many men do you know who complain about their wives or girlfriends calling them degrading names. How many girls do you know who call their husbands or boyfriends 'pig', or 'idiot', or ask them to 'go die'? Do you know what verbal abuse is? Those three examples constitute verbal abuse if said in a malicious manner or unjokingly. If you don't know what is verbal abuse, go read THIS and educate yourself.

Abuse is not something to be taken lightly, no matter who it is inflicted upon. I chose to speak up about men because people tend to forget that men have emotions too, they're just generally not good at expressing how they feel, and that they can hurt pretty badly too, just like a woman. So ladies, love your men, and if you know any of your guy friends who are suffering or you suspect to be suffering the abuse of women, give them a big, warm hug and a shoulder to cry on. While you're doing that, Google a helpline and lodge a report. Help him take the first step to recovery. 

To all my guy friends, thank you for not just looking at girls as girls, but as fellow human beings too. We girls know that you're just big, softies inside that macho exterior, and we love you guys for that. 

To all women who have been abused by a man, just remember that not all men are the same. You just need to start trusting again :)

Bye Edibadie!

Lots of Love, Rox <3

Transformation of Le Hairy Gorilla

NOTE : NOT AN ADVERTORIAL

Hey all!

Ever since I turned 15, I'd been self-conscious of my body hair, even more so as I was in a predominantly Chinese-populated town where the girls had smooth skin and flawless faces, besides the occasional pimple. I stuck out with my hairy legs and arms. Curly curly somemore!!! Damn ugly arh last time I kept wearing long pants to cover up.

Then in an act of desperation I resorted to SHAVING! WTF I wish I hadn't. I was so happy with my smooth, hairless legs! I could actually see my skintone! But then it started growing and it was OMFG itchy and irritated and became painful when I scratched. I turned to moisturizing lotions to save my cracked, scaly skin, but to no avail.

Then le wild TVC appeared,

...le life-saving TVC..

It was Veet! 

Imagine the how the lure of the promise of hairless skin was for a young teenage girl desperate for some form of depilatory action!

So I started pinching pennies from my school lunch money, saving up to buy a kit of Veet Hair Removal Cream. And when I got it.....

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!
(YES, I KNOW THE WRITING IS GIBBERISH TO YOU. IT IS FOR ME TOO! MAYBE SPANISH IDK :p)

LE SMOOTH HAIRLESS LEGS, FINALLY!!!

I was finally liberated from sweating in long pants and sleeves!!! Shorts and tees begin filling my closet. Confidence emanated from my every pore!

You may be thinking, "Defug is this bitch making such a big deal of? It's just hair!". Those who were, FUCK OFF!! Yes I make such a big deal out of this because I was insecure about my body hair. I perceived it as ugly and absolutely embarrassing so STFU if you don't want to hear me talk about this!

So anyway, I used the cream for a while on my legs and underarms and it was absolutely LOVE!!! So easy to use and all, but I wanted a more permanent form of hair removal so I graduated to...

....yep...WAX STRIPS!!!

I was absolutely terrified + super excited because I'd never tried anything like it before, and everyone kept saying that it was painful! But then, no pain, no gain, right? So I was like #challengeaccepted and went with it.

 Middle of the night, in my room with the door locked and a pillow ready for clamping over my mouth lest I scream, I started to wax. And wax I did. At first I expected a lot of pain so I read and reread the instructions and pasted the first wax strip on my leg. Then, singing some random song, I rubbed and pulled, and VOILA!!! Perfectly smooth, hairless rectangular patch on my leg LOL. And I had no idea my skin was that color! The pain wasn't stinging so I decided that I could stand it and thus proceeded to do both legs. And let me tell you this, LEFT LEG DAMN PAINFUL!!!!! 

According to my cousin (when I was threading the hair off my face) the left side is the 'feminine' side so it hurts more! Damn right it did! 

So at the end of an hour I was leg-hair-less and gently wiping on some baby oil on my legs to soothe them. I only did it from the knee down. Too painful dy!! Then I washed and rinsed with icy cold water to get rid of the redness. Next day in school, what else? Show off larh!! Damn proud weyh...I started waxing regularly, each time less painful than the next. Incidentally I grew taller so my pinafores were shorter and I started wearing ankle socks so I went all the way. BIKINI LINE!!!

Actually, I went for bikini line because I had prom coming up and my dress was, err, backless, halter-necked and short, so full-body torture it was!!

For the first time, I waxed my arms, and I absolutely regret using this sorry-assed product to do it.

le culprit....

It was nothing like Veet, not even close! In fact, it's an insult to Veet to put a image of this shitty stuff in the same post as Veet! (sorry Veet) The Veet wax strips I bought had an amazing berry smell to it, was a pretty pale PINK, looked professional and reassuring (maybe it was the fibre strips) and I was amazingly at ease using it because somehow, just the look of it was reassuring. But this one!

 It had ZERO fragrance, ZERO color, ZERO graphic appeal, and of course, ZERO comfort. The strips were cold, hard plastic which made me yearn for Veet's cloth-type fibre strips and Nair's wax looked and smelled like glue. Not as in the kindergarten glue, glue as in the animal-bones-boiled-together glue! And no matter how much I rubbed it still remained sticky and plasticky. Fucking painful can?! It made my arm hair follicles BLEED! Like really, actually BLEED! Was literally crying but I couldn't go out and get a box of Veet because it was one night before the big day! My arms, shoulders, underarms, AND part of my back was subjected to the torture (My legs were happy because the last of the Veet was used on them, thus prompting me to go get some more, but the store didn't have it so I ended up with this shit).

Never going to use it ever again. The leftover strips are still sitting at the bottom of my bag, sorry-assed for making me bleed. I'm just going to throw them out. They don't even deserve my attention! hmpf! *hair flip* 

So after that I got caught up in a whirlwind of studying and packing and prepping for THE BIG MOVE (more on that in a later post) and I left my pins to themselves. After it all settled I was just too lazy to do anything, let alone wax.

After I moved to KL, my cousin's hairdresser naturally became mine, and one fine day my cousin wanted to go thread off her moustache and unibrow, so I tagged along to the hairdresser (who does threading in addition to cutting and styling hair) to see what it was all about. And of course foolish moi decided to get a FULL FACE THREADING! 

The forehead and cheeks were okay, but when she got to my cheekbones and mouth I was practically screaming in pain! Didn't help that for the next few days, I had these weird pimples all over my face. My aunt said it was because the threading pulled out all the impurities from clogged pores and whatnot and that the skin was actually healing. Was so sad :(

My skin eventually healed and was so smooth and touchable I kept touching my cheeks to make sure they were mine! Although next time I want to banish fuzz from my face I'd use the facial wax strips Veet sells. Haven't seen them around, though. Anyone know where I can get some in KL?

On the last trip to Sitiawan, I had a healthy regrowth of curls down my legs and arms, though nowhere as thick as before. I knew there was no way I could wax three-months worth of regrowth off with wax strips, so I went back to a razor. But not just any razor...

.

.

.

...it was Schick Intuition Plus!

Le Solemn Note : 

At this point I would like to thank Denise for stopping me from buying 

disposable razors and guiding me to feminine razors. I will forever be grateful <3

So anyway, I used it on my underarms and loved it! It's a 4-blade razor nestled in a chunk of soap containing aloe vera and some other stuff idk but I like it!

looks like this....so professional right?!?!

The best part is that it lasts VERY long, (you're supposed to replace the head once the soap chunk wears down) and it is so affordable! You just need to go buy the heads, click one on, and use! No nicks and cuts, and smells good too! But then I wish they'd sell the different variants in Malaysia. Guardian, Carrefour all got this teal colored one only, actually the range has the same razor in yellow, pink, and green plus a limited edition range with attractive designs! But I can only find this one! *sigh* It's fine, I still like it :D

I had planned on using this on my whole body and then start waxing, but this razor's performance sort of exceeded my expectations so I'll only wax my legs and use this for the rest of my body! It cuts the hair a certain way so the regrowth doesn't poke and itch, but only for a few days.

I order to motivate myself to get started on my legs, I grabbed ye old friend off the shelves of Carrefour yesterday....

Veet Suprem Essence Wax Strips!!!!

So happy to finally get hold of wax strips again! I foresee a bright future of hairless limbs and utmost confidence LOL.

So this marks the end of the Transformation of Le Hairy Gorilla, namely me, into Le Smooth Hairless (except for eyebrows and my head) Girl! Actually it's not the end larh, I still have to fight with regrowth, but people say if you keep waxing the hair will eventually stop growing, so I'm working towards that!!

Stay tuned, Veet Suprem Essence Wax Strips Rave and Rant! coming up. Next post, Lip Balm Special Comparison Rave and Rant!.

NOTE : RAVE AND RANT! IS MY VERSION OF A REVIEW WHERE I RAVE OR RANT OR DO BOTH ABOUT A PRODUCT. MY RAVE AND RANT!s CAN BE ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT FACIAL SKINCARE BECAUSE MY SKIN IS TOO SENSITIVE FOR ME TO BE TESTING DIFFERENT PRODUCTS ON IT.

Keep reading!

Bye Edibadie!

Lots of love, Rox <3